Dave (Goal Fire)
5 Ways to Become more RESILIENT and Overcome Anything
1) Practice reframing. Train your resilience every week before the ‘big event’. We are creatures of habit and our brain will follow the thought patterns we use repetitively. This is why positive thinking is so important. Like training a muscle, it will become our default.
Try this for resilience: practice reframing. Every time someone upsets you or something doesn’t go our way, focus on a) breathe deeply and wait a few seconds and b) try to choose a response that is empowering to you, or let the energy go if you need to. Try to avoid being reactive.
2) Practice or learn about emotional/self-awareness.
For most of my life, I was mostly aware of my thoughts and the thousands we seem to have every day like a pinball machine, but I was never aware of my emotions and how physically my body was feeling.
It’s only in the last few years I’ve realized that emotional awareness is really the key to understanding all of our patterns, negative self-talk, and toxic self-sabotaging behaviors. This really helps me catch the tension and fear as it arises, and helps me develop more resilience to flip the perspective switch quickly.
Yoga can be a beautiful way to develop grounding, breathing, physical benefits, and being present in the moment.
3) Practice facing fears and tensions/conflicts rather than avoiding them.
If we avoid every fear and stay in the comfort zone we will never build up our resilience. As a society there are many fear triggers everywhere we go from social media, to fear of missing out, to some fear-based media and advertising.
I think we have been trained to see fear as such a bad thing, but like anything in our mind, we get to choose what it means.
If we train ourselves to see fear as an opportunity and step out of our comfort zone often, we quickly discover all of our goals, dreams, freedom, and expansion are on the other side. Life actually becomes easier when we build resilience to fear and build up our ability to deal with anything without being heavily emotionally attached.
It’s beautiful to unlock that freedom of knowing you can deal with anything and really all it takes is the repetitive habit to step into fear. You can do this in small ways every day… ten thousand 1% improvements make an incredible compound difference in our life.
4) Let go of rules, attachments, and expectations that don’t serve you.
“Attachment is the root of all suffering” - The Buddha.
Growing up with amazing parents, we were taught to be nice and respectful to everybody. A few years ago, counseling through the breakup of our marriage, I was asked the question ‘Who is Dave?’. I quickly realized that I didn’t know how to answer this question and that was a huge realization for me.
The best I could think of is ‘I’m a really nice guy and positive’. It didn’t empower me and I was lost. What was my identity, values, boundaries, unique characteristics, passions, and dreams? What was my purpose and meaning? This question changed my life, and it was the clue that on top of my true power, freedom, and identity, was many many layers of society's rules, attachments, and expectations. I believed I had to go through education, be nice to everyone, get married, have kids, buy a house, retire and live happily ever after.
While that’s beautiful, these days life rarely goes this way. This story is taught to us everywhere we go, especially in movies. When that story breaks, our whole world is rocked because of the powerful attachments and expectations we had. We made a bold future prediction to be happy together forever. However, life curveballs and adversity are guaranteed, for all of us.
These days, I can fuel my resilience through minimal attachment, and focus on just fully experiencing life and find love not just in one place, but everywhere I look. I focus on abundance through nature, family, work, music, exercise, adventure, and play, rather than a single attachment with many expectations.
In many ways, I feel like I need the ups and downs of life, and all we need is powerful skill sets to deal with fear and setbacks. That’s where our most powerful and beautiful growth lies.
5) Never forget fitness, movement, and nutrition.
Without a core fitness, especially as we get older, it makes it that much harder to bounce back from the end of a relationship or use over-eating and drinking at outlets after painful setbacks.
For every single breakup I’ve ever had, my first response was to use fitness and nature as my way to unload. I can process and release a lot of tension through such a positive and constructive outlet. Nature is a healer, and the more we tune in to nature and gratitude it becomes exponentially more healing.
I will always maintain a good fitness level, it won’t matter if I’m 50 or 70+. Right now I’m 42… but I feel 25 in mind and body thanks to constant fitness every month for my whole life. For me, this is a major component of building resilience and maintaining a positive mindset.
What is the biggest thing, or fear, that holds you back from an amazing empowered life?
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